Decidedly Dithering

Whether it's my age, hair colour, or just fate I know not. I just know that my life is so full of awkward moments that I only get over the last one by having another.

I would be the girl walking blissfully out of a campus door, just as a troop of students walk by, not see the steps descending to the sidewalk, and nearly scrape my face off from the jarring descent.

I would be the employee who is just trying to fill the ice bin when the bucket flies from her hands clattering and rolling and nearly trips her boss as he comes around the corner.

I would be the waitress who is gracefully balancing empty beer bottles on a tray when they all suddenly decide to jump over. Beer is sprayed all over her uniform and while she flushes 7 shades of color, eight elderly couples look disapprovingly over their forks and only receive a penitent sickly smile in return.

I would be the blonde that locked herself out of her car in the drizzling rain and had to be rescued by a compassionate policeman.

I would be the smartaleck telling the cooks what to do while I'm pouring soup. When the soup decides to pour everywhere but in its pan but rather all over the floor and me. The cook happened to think my tragedy was so funny he volunteered to clean the floor and helped wipe everything up while I swallowed the unshed tears of humiliation and laughed at myself too.

And yes, I'm the ditz, who is always in a hurry and as I whip out my pen to take an order has my pen fly up at customers. In consternation I dive for it surrounded by humored smiles.

And oddly enough, most of these things seem to happen when I'm not in a hurry.

Heu! Vita. I understand thee not.

Defending the South

Having a spat with my uncle, who is a staunch defender of Abraham Lincoln and the North. He sent me the Gettysburg film recently as a gift...this is my reply:

Two years ago I began reading many books on The War Between the States. I didn’t just stick to books sympathizing with the South, but I’m afraid the biographies on Southern generals were far more stirring for the most part, although I have always liked Joshua Chamberlain.

I would recommend that you read J. Stevens Wilkins history on this war. Wilkins is a historical genius and has compiled many events which are so often over-looked since the winners write the history books.

In one of his lectures Wilkins points out,

“It has become a common practice for historians to refer to The War Between the States (“The Civil War”) as an “irrepressible conflict.” In reality, the war was not inevitable or “irrepressible” at all. The war was inevitable only to the radical humanists who saw that the only way to bring about the revolution they desired was to destroy the Calvinistic and Biblical foundations which opposed these “reforms.” This meant the destruction of the South. The theology coupled with the political power of the region were THE most formidable roadblocks to the humanistic/rationalistic revolution. The “new order” could never come until the South lost its position and influence. An issue was needed which was big enough to start a war - - that issue turned out to be slavery.”

I agree with Wilkins completely in this: slavery was not the true cause of the war. It was merely an excuse.

Now I am not a fan of slavery and where and how it is happening around the world today is awful and grotesque. And actually, many Southerners were anti-slavery. Of the 130 anti-slavery groups over two-thirds were in the South.

You have my deepest sympathy for being a relative to Abraham Lincoln. But you are not responsible for what your relations have done.

Abraham Lincoln, may he rest in peace, was not the chivalrous president so many historians make him out to be.

He himself stated,

“There is a natural disgust in the minds of nearly all white people, to the idea of an indiscriminate amalgamation of the white and black races…Make them [Negroes] politically and socially our equals? My own feelings will not admit of this…I will say then that I am not, nor even have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.”

I was shocked when I leaned that Abraham Lincoln spoke those words.

Furthermore, in the 1930’s many former slaves were interviewed and many of them had had Christian employers whom they loved and did not want to be separated from. Many, not all, had better lives than free European peasants.

Plus, the North paid black soldiers les than white soldiers of equal rank whereas the South paid them equally.

I do not think war was the only answer to end slavery. But war was the only answer to the North keeping its economic and political interests.

On the issue of racism I find the ones who squeal the loudest about it, are often the people who themselves struggle with the equality of all men. Racism is a problem in our country. And not only against black people but anyone who is different than what we consider “normal.” The media has a lovely ability of being able to bring up the issue on a daily basis so that we continue to think about it in the world’s way, rather than remembering that we are all equally created in Gods image.

I raise my eyebrow at date of my last post.

Much like I raised my brow at the last date in my journal earlier. And as generally happens when I don't keep up with my written life in that long, I begin by trying to write it all and end by shooting bird shot. Only hitting a zillion topics by chance and not delving in at all.

It has been a poignant month. I would say bittersweet but that term seems overused.

Granma passed away on the 17th. But her leaving brought almost the whole family together. Excluding one brother, my sister from Scotland and little nephew made it, and my sister from Texas and then my brother and his wife from California. Along with countless aunts and uncles and extended family.

I even made it to the emergency room the night before the funeral. My charming brother and his wife and two of my sisters and of course my parents joined in my excursion. I don't think I've ever been in so much pain in my entire life and my sense of humor was out. I sure hope God granted extra mercy to the people that dealt with me that night because I'm afraid I didn't. My pain was all due to a cyst..

And so, I am thinking that perhaps God is teaching me to Cherish Life.

I love life. I remember when I was 2 and 3 racing around the house breathing, "faster, faster, faster than a butterfly, faster than a motorcycle." For me, life has always meant movement. This method of life has cost me many mishaps and hard knocks. And a tendency to not always think things through.

I'm not declaring myself an invalid. I am far from that. But I have been restricted in the last year and more intensely in the last month of being quite as free and careless as I once was.

Funny how God seems to be forcing me to give up my independent spirit that so many times has refused help even when I needed it. I'm sure it is only the independence that kept me from depending on Him.

And so, now that I have time to sit I realize just how much I cherish life. My granma was 90 years old when she died. 90! That seems so far away. And yet, she often said how quickly time slipped away. And how many of us live to 90?

And it also reminds me to cherish new life. The fact that over 3700 lives are suffocated every day in America alone is sobering.

I have survived Roe V. Wade.

I have been given a fighting chance.

Life is a gift and once taken away it is never returns.

Guard this gift. But use it or it becomes useless.

Cherish Life.

Thanks to the recommendation I have come across this passage:

"All experiences of suffering in the path of Christian obedience, whether from persecution of sickness or accident, have this in common: They all threaten our faith in the goodness of God and tempt us to leave the path of obedience. Therefore, every triumph of faith and all perseverance in obedience are testimonies to the goodness of God and the preciousness of Christ--whether the enemy is sickness, Satan, sin, or sabotage.

Therefore, all suffering, of every kind, that we endure in the path of our Christian calling is a suffering "with Christ" and "for Christ." With Him in the sense that the suffering comes to us as we are walking with Him by faith and in the sense that it is endured in the strength He supplies through His sympathizing high-priestly ministry (Hebrews 4:15). For Him in the sense that the suffering tests and proves our allegiance to His goodness and power and in the sense that it reveals His worth as an all-sufficient compensation and prize."

Desiring God - John Piper

A glorious day.

The weather has that beginning chill of Fall and yet the sun still shined and the breeze still blew in a delicious fashion.

This morning my two youngest brothers were confirmed by Bp. Sutton.






This afternoon we went for a family drive. To the little town of Hankinson to get ice-cream. I had curly fries. A scrumptious substitute.

There was this old lady sitting at the picnic table crowing with laughter over Esther's antics and chatter.

Daddy wanted to drive through the Sand Hills just a few miles from there and so we headed out....we were in the fifteen passenger van of course..and dad turned off onto a road. In moments the lovely road turned into a frightening death trail. The trail was very sandy and we nearly got stuck a few times. Trees crowded on every side and gully's and gulches made us lurch from side to side. All the lovely ice-cream cones were quickly turning into shakes and everyone was laughing, screaming, and directing dad how to drive.

The trees parted and we found ourselves in the middle of a pasture. The road drizzled to a nothingness in the midst of a group of cows.

So back again we went. Up and down and finally out again.

and on to the park and a discussion about Chuggles. A most interesting topic.

I love Fall.

It truly is so much easier to say than to do.

How many times have I begged God to prepare me for whatever purpose He desires me for?

Many.

And now, perhaps I am waking up to the realization that perhaps I have been whining and rejecting His preparation.

We say, whatever it takes, Lord.

Little realizing just what this may include.

And so, up until this very evening I have rejected and scorned being sick. I have been so frustrated by it. Every time I think it's gone away I either come down with something else or the same symptoms return.

Since last winter, I have been plagued by some sickness or another. Then, being sick from Brazil morphed into being sick with allergies, followed by a sty, a cold, and now a flu. Including my eczema breaking out from eating one dairy product.

It is so hard not to ask, "why me??"

It is so easy when not feeling well and being extraordinarily tired to be out of temper, to complain, to not trust God for His healing and strength.

How crushing it is to realize how many times I turn down the opportunity to glorify God. To accept this cheerfully, with the knowledge that, He will never leave me nor forsake me. We are to praise God in sickness and in health. Not just when we see He has fulfilled our wishes.

Perhaps it humors God too, when he sees just how often he has to employ means to humble us.

Esther (6): "...and I like pigs, I love pigs, 'cause they're so cute and fat and they're pink!"

Mom: "we ate pig last night for dinner."

Talitha (3) following dad downstairs: "...and mom said we ate pig for dinner last night but we didn't!"




(picture courtesy of Havilah)