Desire

I was unable to keep my eyes open any longer last night so I finished the last ten pages of That Hideous Strength this morning before getting up. What a delicious book. I can't believe I waited to read the final book in the trilogy 6 years after the first two.

The book awakened in my soul a longing for Heaven. The dreams of childhood fantasy. A wild desire for my own child to read, love, and appreciate the stories which open another world of thought, living, adventure and understanding. A world where good and evil are clearly seen and dealt with. A world of betrayal and courage. A world which appeals to our innate sense of kindness, duty and chivalry. But most importantly, stories which direct, cultivate and prepare us for life everlasting.

I will never forget the impact At the Back of the North Wind (by George MacDonald), The Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis), Lilith (MacDonald), Adventures is Wonderland (Lewis Carroll), The Phantom Tollbooth (Norton Juster), The Princess and the Goblin (MacDonald), A Christmas Carol (Dickens), Just So Stories (Kipling), The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson-Burnett), The Hobbit (Tolkien), Egyptian and Greek myth and others had on me.

Children think in images and as a parent we can supply what those images will be - whether it's the world of television and computer games or books and games which inspire the imagination to cleave to and grow. Not that any film or television will immediately doom your child to a murky swamp and insipid lack of creativity, but alone, I don't believe it can have the same or as good an effect as hearing stories from their parents or reading themselves.

Though I blush to think of them now, I filled much of my childhood by attempting to write my own stories filled with secret vaults and doors, good people and bad people, just and unjust. Often I had a little brother or sister as audience with the promise that they would take their nap if I told them one more story.

In the meantime, I desire never to grow too old for these stories myself and to fill my bookshelf at toddler level with all of them.

Growing Pains

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." Isaiah 26:3

It is amazing to me how much the child growing inside has taught and tested me physically and spiritually. It has been a frustrating process to learn that pregnancy exhaustion is like no other and when body and baby demand rest it is near impossible to fight it. One of the hardest things to accept is my complete inability to accomplish a fourth of the things I would like to. It makes me feel lazy, useless, and petty. John has been absolutely incredible in regards to this - never chafing me for what I do not accomplish and understanding the fact that I am sick and tired far better than I.

Mr Drysdale, John's nickname for baby, has taken a recent delight in making me starving and light-headed and demanding nutrition to a feeling of either throwing up or passing out when I do eat. In the meantime constant punches, kicks, and somersaults ensue. I love feeling him move, but the rate at which he keeps it up is amazing. It's probably a warning that he or she is going to be crawling at 3 months and walking by 9 or 10.

With pregnancy also comes a bodily reaction of loose joints....I think I've gotten my full measure.

It is:
-why I dropped my father-in-law's fishing pole into the lake.
-why the olive oil jar shattered on the floor of the grocery store
-why my kitchen floor was splattered in yogurt
-why coffee granules went everywhere but in the filter (times 3)
-why it is treacherous to eat without a bib

Then there is this realization that I do in fact have hormones and am capable of reacting to fatigue in the most extreme and ridiculous girly ways. It was one of those things I swore would not interfere with my life.

Hitting the 3rd trimester over the weekend and Mr Drysdale deciding to go on another growing spurt made me even more aware of how it's suddenly a little harder to bend over, or move quickly, or roll over. Occasionally, the idea of removing your stomach for just a few hours so you can move around properly, sounds rather tempting.

But through all of these many and extreme life changes, I remember who gives me strength and purpose in this world. Right now that purpose seems to mostly be growing this baby and remembering to listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit.

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." -C.S.L.